Faith Friday: ... But I Can Change Them!

I love being completely honest with people who take the time to read my blog, and of course, today is no different. When thinking about what I could share today, I was reminded of a chapter of my life that although I have let go, taught me so much! Going through a breakup or a tough relationship can be difficult on someone whether it be emotionally, mentally or even physically. I learned a very big lesson from a choice I made almost 4 years ago and I think girls, and guys, need to learn from it to so here it goes. 
Experiences in my life as a child formed ideas in me that made me feel like a relationship would make up for all of the hardships I went through as a child. Looking back it almost seems like I had an obsession with it. I've only been in a "serious" relationship once in my life and I was fairly young at the time. He was a boy from church and I thought he was perfect for me... or at least as perfect as a guy may seem for you when you're a teenager. He was relatively new in his faith but I made a huge mistake: I thought I could change him. I thought since I had been a Christian for longer and felt more mature about it, that I could help him do better and be better. I would suggest that we pray together over the phone and tried to involve him more in church activities in the hopes that he would develop a relationship with God like the one I had. The only problem is that this wasn't my job! I have no authority to change the hearts of God's creation because that can only be done through Him. Yes, I can plant a seed but no matter what I could ever do, the job is ultimately finished when God steps in. I had no part in the change. 
"For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose" - Philippians 2:13
"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws" - Ezekiel 36:26-27
I find that people make this mistake all of the time, which is why I wanted to share my experience. First of all, if you've made the effort to nurture your relationship with Christ and pushes Him like He pursues you then it seems only right that you share this with someone on the same path as you. With the same goal in mind and the purpose of your life as a common element between two people, God can be glorified. But, things can get really tricky when you settle for anyone because you believe that you can change them through your own doing. I posted a video where Pastor Mark Driscoll is talking about being single and one of his points was that people start to cut down their list of what they want in a future spouse - including erasing the part where they love God. You may be satisfied with the other person just believing in God or at least having had a relationship with Him some time in the past. I can't begin to explain how many problems can arise from this. God hasn't created you to pick just anyone or "go with the flow" because at some point along the way they'll follow where you're going. Most likely, at the beginning of your relationship, whether you know it or not, you and that other person have chosen a path to go on. 
When you settle for one thing, you'll soon settle for another and at some point you'll lose who you were in the first place because you made it not matter. You will probably forget that your whole intent was to change them because it'll be you who was changed. I'm not saying that you have to stay away from people who don't share your beliefs, but when it comes to a relationship you need to guard your heart with the utmost care. "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" Proverbs 4:23 
The job to change someone is not yours and ultimately, if you feel like the person has to grow spiritually before they can be in a relationship, then give them that time. That person may be perfect for you but not until they realize that Christ was the answer to their problems, not you! We all have to change certain aspects of who we are in all of our relationships but when they are usually deal breakers for you and you let them slide... that's the ultimate red light warning for you. Just don't do it. Many times getting into a relationship when you aren't spiritually ready can have an incredibly negative effect on both people and that's not what you want in the first place if you truly care for someone. Let the heart transformation be in God's hands and take a look at what areas of your life you need to change as well. I spent a long time thinking that the guy I was dating needed to change his life around, when I was just as unprepared! Are you in that same position?